Like I don't belong in one with curves. I always thought that I wanted a body that was thin but womanly, but now when I imagine myself in a womanly figure it seems like I'm out of place. Feelings of belonging in a waif like body I think stems from my low self-esteem.
A thin body represents one with needs and fragility. I guess I might feel like I need to cry out for help using my body. Instead of my voice. That if I look sick, people will come to rescue me?
Why don't I feel like I deserve to be in a woman's figure?
I feel like a woman's body means sensuality, sexuality, femininity, liberation, freedom and strength. I do think a woman's figure is beautiful, but as I said I feel like i don't belong in such a temple resembling those traits. Like I am not up to par.
I am strong though, I DO belong in a woman's body and I am worthy of having one.
I am a strong person, I am accomplished and I can reach great heights. I can signify strength and a woman's physique with stride.
A person's body, shape and weight, do NOT measure self-worth and character. It's only a number. I can be all that I am (and more) in a real woman's healthy body.
Lord I pray that I make the right decisions and that I see myself as worthy of a healthy body, because I deserve one. Help me see my beauty and authenticity, and help me be clear-minded and mindful. Separating my ED thoughts and my rational ones and give me the strength to make the right decisions.
What am I running away from? What makes me fearful of being feminine?
Becoming intimate with males. Being put in the position to be emotionally close with another. Responsibility of a woman: Relationships, children, fertility, sex, intimacy.
I guess I feel inadequate of intimacy. I'm scared of being close to another and letting them in. I suppose being in a prepubescent body in some way steers this possibility off. So i don't have to deal with it.
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