The goal is for me to stick with correct portion sizes. And to stay within my limits of exercise. @ hrs. and I asked for a set rule, where what to add if I go over. Becuase I know that I will. Exercise is still hard for me. But I asked what to add. Every 30 mins over 2hrs is 100 cals. So If I go over 20: about a fruit extra, or 1/4 c. oatmeal....
But I need to be careful. I had a little thought...which will turn probably into a big one, saying if I intentionnally over exercise I can eat more. But I know this is what Jenni Schaefer referred to as "Counter Ed" in her book.
I know I can't negotiate like that. I'll end up freaking out for my fear of becoming a Bulimic or overeater. I must stay within 2 hrs and and stick to meal plan. I MUST NOT manipulate the plan in any way, with adding more or taking away to compensate for exercise.
I really hope i can get back on track. Correct my recent lapses and just keep carrying on. I can do this!
Reasons I want Recovery:
Eating out with people.
Confidence from recovering.
Help others.
Character building.
Woman's body. (I deserve a healthy body)
Health.
So why did I struggle in WA? I was pretty fully aware as to why when it was happening. In a broad way at least.
I was angry at my family. I wanted to show them that I was still sick. And that I do better on my own then with their help. I'm sure that I used my weight loss and a tool to hurt them. To make them feel of blame? I think since they're my family which raised me I see all of them as ones who ought to take care of me. perhaps I feel like without my ED I will not be noticed by them. I will not be cared for.
I think this is important to note. I still want their attention, which I uncouciosuly still hunger for.
Also, another reason I relapsed in WA, was my fear that I am enjoying food too much. So I wanted to prove still to my myself that I could control my appetite and not over eat. It's like...I feel guilty for enjoying food too much. If I want seconds. It scares me. That I will always want more and more to get full. So I restricted my needs and wants to reprove that I could control food.
There are so many other reasons. I will mention them in the future tho.
RATIONAL VOICE:
Over exercising in order to eat more is just 'counter Ed'. It is still it trying to control your meal plan and the food. Your m.p. is set. Follow that and the exercise limits.
If you over exercise to eat more:
you will feel bad for wanting to eat more, and will want to restrict to reprove control over appetite.
You are not a bad person or worthless or out of control for being hungry and wanting sweets. Everyone enjoys sweets, and if everyone could eat sweets everyday, they would. Appetite is normal! You will not over eat, you need to trust yourself that you won't binge, and love yourself enough to enjoy seconds or dessert.
Goal: 2 times a week, exchange pro bar for dessert.
options: Ice cream
Cookie
Cake
Pie
Etc...
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