What I need to check up on

Well, I have gained some weight. But I can notice how I am skimping now. It's like, once I know I've gained some I think it's alright to not try as hard? Or that I need to slow down.

This is distorted AMY!

Weight gain is the goal, and postponing progress is just prolonging your journey to the end.

Honestly what I am Struggling with:

-For my Protein bars, I usually pick the lowest cal option.

-I pick out food sometimes, when I don't think it's needed. Example being: last night I had raisins for fruit. Once I had it I thought, whats the point of raisins? I can't even taste them much so I'm just waisting calories! So I picked them out of my yogurt one by one and threw them away.

-I sometimes cut out little parts of food. Like I'll tear off some tortilla and quickly throw it out.

-I recently have been using a half fruit in my usual noon snack counted towards my extra dinner exchange. Which is suppose to be either starch, protein or fat.

-I usually never have an appropriate amount of fat exchanges. Usually when I do add additional fats I cut down the portions.

-When I have my noon snacks and make up my extra exchanges, I've been having 1/2 Tbsp of honey as one fat instead of a starch. (For honey is a starch) But I tell myself as long as it's the same caloric amount as a fat exchange it's okay. Though honey is all starch, no fat.

-I throw away food

There are more I am sure. Just can't think of them. But it seems that with my work on holding back exercise, I'm having more difficulty with eating. With some things. Especially dinner.

I think that since I am not walking as much it's okay to restrict just here and there.

It doesn't matter how fast I gain following the meal plan and recovery plan. The important thing is that I am listening to my recovery model and not the E.D. Because weight gain is only the external focus. Once I am at a healthy weight I still need to follow my meal plan, because it'll be me listening to the healthy voice and not the E.D. voice.

Me following the recovery plan is my gaining life back. I can keep this weight unless I am living an Eating Disordered life. I want to gain life back!