Brand new day

Well my routine has become so stuck lately. Which I am comfortable with. But I know that being so strict and stuck in one is not all in all completely healthy. Yesterday Kelly and I watched a movie together. Instead of me residing in my room and having my snack while watching Netflix.

We watched Youth In revolt. I liked it and I enjoyed actually sociallizing with Kelly. We use to be super close it seemed and since I got out of Rader I have kind of reclused myself.

So today I am gonna try to spend time with her again. I think it'd be good for me. Also, I will look forward to Peggy's 5 days off for the Memorial day weekend. Tomorrow till Tuesday she will be off of work at home. Hopefully we find things to do and spend time together. It is good for me to talk with others and step out side of myself.

Also, on a different note: I realized that I am not yet ready for intuitive eating. Intuitive eating is when you can eat when hungry and stop when full. I can not trust my body and I am aware of this. Thus, I stick with my meal plan and only trust it. I try not to skip exchanges because I know it would be even easier to skip another exchange in my next meal. I have to stick with the meal plan no MATTER what.

I just can' wait till I can eat intuitively. When I can trust my body. To know when I am full by sensing my body cues and not my mind. As of right now, I don't know what it feels like to be full. Is it when you're stuffed and ill? When your stomach stops growling? When you have eaten enough calories? I just don't know. So hopefully one day, eventually I will be able to trust my body. But I will always have my meal plan even at a maintainable weight just for a ground rule.

But for right now I need to focus on today. One day at a time. And stop thinking so much of the future. I can not control the future, I can only control what is happening right now. So it is useless to plan ahead.

So, goals today:

Spend time with Peggy and Kelly.

Stick with meal plan.

Have mid afternoon snack.

So not over exercise.

Don't obsess over exercise length.

Explore interests outside of my recovery. i.e. painting, reading (need to find a good book), puzzles, crafts, organize, film, socializing, beading, sewing, portraits, tattoo designs etc...

Wish me luck. Who ever is reading this. lol. Maybe one day I'll have readers.

-Amy

=D