Getting back on my feet?

I hope I am. I am really focusing on my thoughts and behaviors. I know that I purge my emotions through exercise. I feel it's the only way to release them. I know that the feelings will only cease temporarily. I am just numbing myself to feeling them at the moment.

I'm reminding myself that I CAN do this. THAT I CAN MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION!

If I keep resisting getting better I will never get there. I have to get there before I can change. The sooner I get there, the sooner I will move on.

I'm also continually telling myself that my worth is not determined by my control over appetite and wants and needs.

Everyone has needs and everyone has an appetite. Everyone will always be hungry and never ever-longingly sated. I should not feel bad for not being fully content with my life. No one I think is. Some are just more...tolerant? I chose the word tolerant, because I think some people come to accept that it's the human condition to always want more. They just move forward one moment and one decision at a time making life's days 'tolerable' and at least moderately occupied and entertaining.

I 'will' always be hungry. I can accept that and do things to healthily fill my life with meaningful things that will slowly but surely move me forward in life. If I stay stuck in any rut that might not be 'bad' but is stuck from staying put.

Maybe I should focus on this moment. How this moment will soon be gone and replaced with the next, so I mine as well make the best of this moment because time will move on dragging me along even if I resist it by denying things could possibly get better if I just give up with trying to control things and just go along with the waves of change.

I must follow through with the uncomfortable feelings and events that are inevitable to get to a place that is better. I don't have focus on tomorrows battles, or next months or any other battle except for the one in this moment.I can not fix the future by controlling it today. I can only make the best decision for this moment, which will lead to a brighter future.

My feelings will always be there even if I use the ED to cope.

Each time I listen to the ED I am giving it power over me and my life.

"Have my ears listen to only my voice. My eyes see through my own eyes. And let me speak with only my tongue."