That's what I call the stage I was in right out of Rader. Where everything is peachy and you are just so excited and motivated to do everything right and follow recovery's path to the tee and not drift at all.
But...life caught up and brought on rain, thunder storms, bird shit on window shields and crazy hitch-hikers all causing some sort of obstacle and detour. Now the steering is more difficult then before, harder to drive in the right direction and resist life's struggles pulling me back to the road I am use to. (the ed behaviors)
I've been crying a lot. From exhaustion, fear and disappointment.
I'm exhausted from obsessing, thinking and fighting with food, myself and the ed.
I'm scared of digressing further. Not making progress and falling deeper into the ed. Losing.
I'm disappointed in myself from struggling. I'm frustrated for having trouble in recovery and am upset that it's not getting easier.
Everyone told me recovery would get easier. But from what I can tell it's gotten a fucking lot more harder. I guess that is why I deem myself officially over the honey moon stage. Where my relationship with my recovery has brought on difficulties and conflicts.
I feel at times, that recovery is getting in the way of my social life. No flexibility with my food schedule. But I know that's distorted.
Recovery I must acknowledge is a daily thing. A moment to moment occurrence that will sooner or later drive forward to a better place. I hope.
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