Reflection

Well I never write in my blog after the day is done. Every entry is in the morning before anything has happened. I think it might be good to write in the evenings to reflect.

Idk what to really talk about. I guess I feel lonely. I have nothing particularly important to do in the day, and I have kinda' distanced myself from Joe thus probably making him frustrated and irritated.

I tell myself that this is just because I am at a lull with my time. I always get this way in times of free time. But I've gotten better with knowing that change will happen and bring anew. Good and bad.

I feel embarrassed as well. For not having an active social life. I feel that Kelly and Peg think I'm a ;loser'. Like anyone over 30 uses the word Loser to describe someone? lol. But nonetheless I feel that way. I suspect them seeing me as inadequate socially because I perceive myself as that.

I wish I had friends that I felt comfortable enough to just relax and not feel pressured in any way. But right now regarding my eating schedule and my routine that I need in recovery, I'm trying to give myself permission to just focus on this stage and just wait till I'm ready to move on.