This morning I'm feeling need to restrict and to over exercise.
Why?
Going to WA tomorrow.
Hanging with Joe last night?
Sushi farewell dinner tonight.
I've kinda' planned on only having one protein bar when in WA. I know this is my ED voice but I feel that since I won't be exercising as much it'll still be okay and I will still gain.
I'm nervous about going and just the change in general.
(It's okay.) I'll come home eventually and things will transition back into my regular routine.
I hope I can get a job and do well with it and school.
Yesterday was fairly a good day with my body image. I didn't feel like I needed to maintain my weight and stuck with my m.p. a bit more easily.
Today though the body image feeling is back. I feel I don't need to gain anymore.
I just feel content with my body and am nervous about gaining more. Though I am still unhealthy and underweight. Thus I NEED to gain weight.
Once I gain enough to be healthy I can maintain and accept my new healthy body.
ENCOURAGEMENT TO GAIN:
Still unhealthy.
Exercise too much: still indicates ED obsession.
Joe thinks I'm still too thin. I must be healthier to be more attractive.
A woman's body is curvy and has fat.
Feelings about weight gain:
I know I am not fat, but I can feel fat on my body. Occasionally it feels like it is dirt on my body that I need to scrub off in order to be clean. The extra skin feel like dirt! I hate it.
It's not bad though. I must remind myself that. remind myself that fat is healthy and a part of being a woman. A woman's body needs fat in order to be healthy and feminine.
Inspiring woman:
Crystal Renn
Rader counselors (Nicole, Rachel, Alyssa, Kat)
Jenni Schafer
Marya Hornbacher
Aimee Lui
Brandi Carslile
Lizzie Miller
My body will be beautiful at a healthy weight. People will not see me as fat or ugly. They will still consider me thin and see me as a healthy woman.
I MUST not restrict. Must not over exercise.
To-do's:
Laundry
Pack for trip
Journal
Draw
Clean
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