I still don't know for sure yet the outcome but for right now, I'm leaning towards coming back. I know what to expect here, I know I will be able to attend school and have a job somewhere. Mom will still send support and I will be alright.
Lord please help me continue to make the right decisions for my recovery. To have clarity. to pick myself up when I fall.
I think after a year of being actively in recovery, and being at a stable weight I will consider moving back. Hopefully I can handle it then.
Honestly the main reason's i wanted to move back was because I was lonely here. I felt distant from Peg and Kelly. But not we've reestablished a relationship again. And I have found things to do and when I'm in school and staying busy I have done okay. The summer will give me a vacation, with hopefully things to do to pass time, I can handle 4 weeks or so.
Also, I wanted to move back because I felt that I'd be helped out more financially. But realistically I am an adult, and I need to get use to depending on myself for income. I can't save every penny I earn, I'll end up having to pay for things no matter where I live. I can't depend on Mom and the rest of the family to buy me things.
Apart of moving back was a chance to reclaim dependency maybe? I'm nervous about adulthood. Making it on my own. But as I am spending more money now on things, I'm finding I'm still okay. How much money I have doesn't make me any better off or more secure.
I have Carla, Sunny and Tam's group.
Nothing is forever. I can still move back one day and be with the family I grew up with and in the City I love. One day...
But for now, my recovery is my main focus and I need to take every precaution I can.
Lord, continue to bless me and give me peace of mind. Help me focus on the present and not obsess and worry about the future. Take one day at a time. I can't predict the future.
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