To WA or Fresno?

Well my trip back home is nearing. Very nervous about it. I'm scared about becoming overwhelmed by the change and that might lead me to relapse. I don't want to have a slip and end up taking a step back. Change is hard for me so I hope I can handle the transition.

I just need to stand my ground and be honest with my folks. Tell them my meal plan, the amount of exercise I'm allowed to do and to tell them that i need to stay consistent in order to feel comfortable and healthy.

I'll let them know I can exercise 1-2 hrs/day.

No greasy foods.

Let them know of fear foods. (Butter, Fat, Oil, Greasy food, Junk food, Cheese, High Fat content etc...)

Let them know I want to make my own meals majority of the time, especially breakfast and dinner.

Must have Non-fat yogurt, Non-fat cottage cheese, oat meal, bread, fish fillets and chicken breasts, fruit i.e. apples, oranges, raisins, dried fruit, vegetables and so forth. (I want to have the same foods as I do here.)

Tell Jessica and Ruthanne not to expect me to be able to eat junk food/sweets/candy/fear foods.

Let them know that I NEED to know what to expect for meals, like times and what. Eating out is hard for me, unless I know menu and exchange options.

I don't think it's a good idea to stay too long at Ruthanne's. Just for like...one weekend. Same with Jessica. Jessica can come to my mom's house. Ruthanne can spend days with me and go to Seattle. I don't want to be changing my environment too much.

I can do this! Amy, you will be fine. Just pray, be honest, know you are in control and you don't have to be pressured to eat anything you think might hurt your recovery.

Lord, please give me insight and clarity with hearing the ED thoughts. I pray for acceptance and trust with myself. To accept and love my new body as it changes. To remind myself that this is just a changing period, that will not last forever. Every lb is a lb towards the end of this part of my recovery. Eventually I can go on a maintained meal plan and be able to trust it and grow use to my new body.

Right now though I am content with staying in Fresno. I have school here and I don't have to stay here forever! Maybe another year will be fine. That way I can maintain here and grow accustomed to my new meal plan and body. So I don't have to get use to a changing body and a changed place of living.

I have friends here. Possibly get a bf when school starts? Find a job, since my classes look like they'll be on Tuesday and Thursday's. I'll be able to afford therapy without insurance till January and Mom will still send support.

I can handle it here, I must put my recovery first!

Lord please lead me to the right choice. There is no right or wrong choice. Either place will have its draw backs and positives. But for now, recovery is my main focus. And I don't want to risk it. Everything is temporary. Change will always happen and maybe in a year if I decide to stay here, a can move back when I think it is right.