very nervous actually
Couldn't sleep.
Last night I had the intense feeling of not wanting to gain, wanting to maintain. I had hopes that when I see my Dr on Friday that I have lost weight.
But i was tired, stressed and things always catastrophes in the wee-hours of night.
I feel the need to over exercise and only have one pro bar tonight.
I think if I end up exercising under 2 hrs/day I will stick with one. If I go over 2hrs Ill have two.
Idk why I'm having these feelings back.
I'm scared of having a woman's body. I feel it doesn't suit me. It's so intimidating.
But I'm trying to just stay clear minded. Weight is only one part of the ED. Health is most important if I feel it is or not. Health=life.
I deserve a life.
Once I reach a healthy weight, 110 I can maintain that and work on the underlying issues. The problems i feel will always be there if I deny them and keep coping with them destructively, i.e. weight loss. I need to become healthy and then work on my issues while taking responsibility.
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