Today

I know I have been going over on exercise a bit. I've become a bit apathetic about it.

I know this is a warning sign. Also, I chose the lowest calorific foods. I know this is bad as well, and isn't essential normal eating.

I know I use food as a defense mechanism. I use restriction and exercise as a way to protect myself, feeling that food will somehow ix the problems. What do I fear though? What am I protecting myself from?

Going to WA

Moving in with Peggy

Money

Feeling bad about not following m.p. scared I'll go over and have too much

Scared o gaining too fast

Scared of becoming too large and being unhappy with my body

Feeling lonely, unproductive, lazy and bored

Ways to cope and feel worthy:

Get a job and provide for myself financially when I return

Do well in school

Socialize, must force myself to step out o my comfort zone and participate in relationships

(I'll do so when school starts up. I did okay when school was around and people were around me more)

I hope though I can handle a job, and school! Before it was so hard for me to juggle the two. Considering my meal plan schedule. Maybe I should let the managers know my eating needs and that it's essential that i know the time of my breaks so i can eat? I feel whiny though. Ugh I feel like a burden. Towards Jessica and my family. How they have to accommodate for me. But I must do it. I am not a burden and this is just something that takes priority. If they grow tired and frustrated it doesn't matter because I can provide or myself and my own needs.

Lord I pray to do well today. With adding fats and sticking to appropriate exercise amount.